Being a wedding planner for the last eighteen years I have heard the "traditional wedding vows" thousands of times, I have cried during every ceremony of my clients. After awhile it gets to be something that you are so familiar with hearing, but what about when the rubber meets the road and you have to live it...
I remember this day, shortly after our engagement...
My world was full of hope and anticipation of great things to come... In a few short months I was going to marry the man I had been friends with for twenty years, this was our fairy tale, my nottinghill
I can't remember a time that I did not love him over the years
We exchanged our vows on July 26th 2008
we said those words having no idea what the future would hold
the smiles. the laughter, the tears it was all so precious as I reflect back to that very beautiful day when time stood still
In sickness and in health, for better or for worse...
yes we said that and I knew in my heart that it was true
As the holidays approached last year I started to not feel well, I chalked it up to stress. What event planner isn't stressed? Things started happening that seemed quite odd. I already had a heart condition that had given me some challenges in the past years, but there was something not right I could feel it. My cardiologist felt the same so he suggested a specialist. I asked to wait till after the New Year I had so much I was commited to already. February came by rather quickly, and the test results came back. When I came home to share with my husband I was very matter of fact since I am always so put together. The next few days were a blur as my Dr. said " I'm not sure you will be able to continue in your field of work?" Then told me that she was going to give me the best shot at a quality life. Then the rain came down...
So here comes the for worse part...
I was terribly awful to my love, my words were harsh, I shut myself off from him. I wanted to just be left alone. I knew my actions were hurting his heart, but I could not stop the train wreck inside of me. My biggest fear was that he would be burdened caring for me and that in itself would take its toll.
He and I share such a strong faith and I knew God had a plan but I was blinded by my anger, frustration and most of all the unknown...
Finally one night I was lying in bed he wrapped his arms around me and held me so tight and said " share your heart with me" The tears exploded and my words were my turning point. " I am so scared this Lupus is going to kick my butt" He cried and said " I am scared too" but his reminder of our faith in God knowing that He is in control left me with such comfort and peace inside.
I prayed for grace over my emotions, that I would continue to live and honor the life God had planned for me. Now if I could only figure out what would I do with myself?
The weeks seemed endless while the house was empty, I was lost and felt so alone
Last week I jokingly said as he was leaving for work "don't leave me here with the Lupus monster"... He laughed, kissed me and carried me, yes I still had my fairy tale.
For Better...
He always has said to me "you and me forever" and means it, this morning was very rough hubby had to lift me out of bed and help me dress. There is much physical pain to deal with everyday. I see the worry in his eyes when he has to leave for work.
I know it's so delightful to share all of the decorating, my goodwill finds and so forth, but most of all I felt led to share my heart. I want others to know how blogging has been such a gift of love to me. How each of you affect my life in such a positive way.
I want to thank everyone of you who have emailed, posted comments and mostly for your prayers, encouragement, and support... I am overwhelmed by the love you all have given. Each of us have a cross to bare in this life and it feels much lighter knowing you are there with me. I am not alone and I am so humbled...
This is for Sue Thank you for the most loving welcome to your Country Roads family! For giving me a place to belong. You are a precious gift to my heart.
simply me Kate xoxo
